The maid of honor just puked.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
