sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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