He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Randomize
