The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I will be naked everywhere
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
