At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
