please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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