this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
My pussy is not your playground.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
