Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Randomize
