Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
