the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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