at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Randomize
