I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
