well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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