remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize