you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Terrible idea I love it
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
