I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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