She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
