I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
My bed smells like the plague
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