Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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