4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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