goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
