thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
