I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I think people are normalizing furries
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize