Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
