I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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