May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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