i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
high people should be assigned attendants
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
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