One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
