I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I just want nice things and good sex
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
