Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
