$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
