Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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