what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
