If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
