you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
