the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
i need some magic done to my vagina
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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