I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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