I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
