Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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