she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
dude. I can hear the air.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
