College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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