We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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