Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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