I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
