...so i touched it.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
