This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Randomize
