too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
