I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
