When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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