My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
