I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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