Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize
