a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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