you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
