Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
