farters have to be the big spoon...
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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