id be glad to
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
