I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
