Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
