Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
