I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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