I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
