i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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