She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
