Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
