:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
