Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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