I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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