How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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