it's too hot outside to masturbate.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
