I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
