I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
