she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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