Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
