Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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