Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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