Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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