i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
