Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
