I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
