I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
