OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Randomize
