Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Randomize
