allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
