wrigley field is MILF paradise
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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