You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
one might say we're banned from that church
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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