32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
