do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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