he puts the penis in happiness.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
that's an acceptable place to lick
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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