he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
