You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
