so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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