I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
