i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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